Restaurant Swindlesby Michael R Burden
Handling Waiters - 2
Given the customer's very limited knowledge of the local cuisine, the meal may still seem
a
little disappointing, and somehow not quite what the customer expected (although the customer
cannot quite put his finger on what is wrong!)
The restaurant operates on the principle of "a nod's as good as a wink to a blind horse". You are so ignorant of the local language and the local cuisine that the waiter has taken full advantage of this by serving either an incomplete dish, or even a completely different and much cheaper dish than that actually ordered. Needless to say he will still charge for the full and complete version of what was ordered, or what was ordered but not brought to the table.
The above situation is likely to arise when the waiter has already satisfied himself in his line of questioning and his observation of you that you are so ignorant that you will (both figuratively and literally) swallow any rip-off. In this instance the waiter is adopting the role of the unscrupulous tradesman, such as the dodgy builder or plumber who arrives at your home to make an urgent repair. The man probably arrives at your place with the intention of doing the job properly and quickly and going on his way, but when he sees what kind of sucker you are, he sees the opportunity for a rip-off.
To the unscrupulous tradesman the opportunity for a rip-off presents itself in the form of the naïve, ignorant, gullible or confused householder. When the householder responds to the tradesman's diagnosis of his problem or when the customer responds to the waiter's questions or suggestions by nodding blankly with wide and glassy eyes and open mouth at everything said to him, it is obvious that the householder is blinded by science and the restaurant customer fazed by the menu, the local language and the local cuisine. In such a situation there is a good probability of a rip-off being tried and being successful.
It is a good idea (preferably before you go on holiday) to learn a few phrases of the native language in respect of cuisine, or at least to know what the phrase refers to and what the local dish concerned looks like or consists of. You should read a tourist guide book that includes photographs of local dishes or when in the place look at pictures of the dishes outside those restaurants that display pictures. You are then able to appear knowledgeable to the waiter, and able to discuss the menu with him or ask sensible questions - and you will be in a much better position to challenge him or dispute a matter if the need arises.
The waiter will seem very friendly and chatty - almost familiar - and will seem to speak English almost too well for someone in a non-English speaking country or environment. He will make a lot of small talk at the start of the meal, before you have ordered, and will ingratiate himself with more pleasantries while running through the menu verbally and encouraging you to order his suggestions and recommendations. He will seem a pleasant and welcome change from the usual surly, morose or taciturn waiters you have encountered until now. Indeed, dealing with such an affable character you cannot help but tell him all about your stay in his country, and all your impressions and experiences.
Through his ostensibly polite and genial small talk the waiter is gleaning personal information about the customer which will enable him to ascertain whether or not he will succeed in an attempt to overcharge or cheat the customer. For instance, if he finds our that you are an expatriate temporarily working or studying in his country you are maybe safe from any of his tricks, and certainly much less likely to be swindled than the typical 'here today gone tomorrow' tourist, who is visiting the country for the first time and obviously ignorant of the local language or local cuisine. You are certainly asking for a 'rip-off' if you let slip to the waiter that this is your very first meal in the country as you stepped off the plane only two hours ago!
It is a good principle for tourists to be especially wary when encountering seemingly over-friendly or chatty foreign strangers, not just the talkative waiter in the 'tourist trap' restaurant but also the friendly stranger who accosts you in the park, claiming to have already seen you at the airport or at your hotel.
If you are not careful with this latter character, you could well end up handing over some money to him when he tells you that he has none but urgently needs some for the bus and train fare to visit his sick or dying mother in hospital 100 miles away - or equally when you end up going with him to an unknown destination or situation, ostensibly to meet his sister who would welcome any tips or advice from you (and who with a bit of luck may turn out to be very pretty!) as, by a surprising coincidence, she is just about to visit or start work in your country.
By all means be polite and civil to the waiter in return, but if you wish to be friendly and chatty do not give away too much in the way of such information about previous visits or experience of the country, or where or how long you are staying, etc. Or at least do not be too truthful if you do. The waiter may well be the restaurant counterpart of the friendly stranger in the park.
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